Changes

I have made a few changes in the last couple of weeks.

Ones that are noticeable to you the bloggers...and many that are in my REAL life.

I have trying to do things for myself and think of myself first but after 30 something years it is hard! I think I know what I want to do but where do I turn..I want to work for a non-profit organization/volunteer and get paid $$ and the first step is to see how these functions work and if it is exactly what I want and where I can help the best.


So last month, I bought tickets to a brunch to honor a breast cancer fund . Tommorrow I am going tothe brunch , and this is the first time in many years that I am nervous on what to wear. I know I usually look good, and that most people even compliment me on my outfits. But this time its at Neiman Marcus and I feel kinda embarrassed on my CHEAP bargains and that many of the other woman will have handbags and purses costing more money than whats in my checkbook!!??

I know I can socialize with the rich and famous and I have in the past but since its in a very expensive store...i just think I feel that little girl in high school who didnt have the right sneakers, handbag, and the right type of everything !!

ALWAYS TRYING TO PLEASE OTHERS !!

I know I have low self esteem when it comes to what people think of me.. because I know deep down... I feel like I am the hired help who snuck in to steal a glass of champagne !! and one day someone will catch me and say " how did you get in here..how did you afford the ticket?"

I guess I will just have to put on my bargains in the morning , put on my lipgloss, and a smile ( in the rain !!) and enjoy myself. It is the only way I will ever get over this .... otherwise I will be in this chair typing on this keyboard for the rest of my life bitchin about my so called life!!