SMILE, when your hearts not in it

Today has been one of those wierd days.

I woke up early and its suppose to rain, snow, sleet, freezing rain, and have winds over 40 miles an hour tonight and tommorow so I just knew it was going to be a wierd , lazy day!

I just havent been in a Christmas mood . This is my favorite time of the year. I love shopping for others. I love the hussle and bussle of the malls. I love Christmas Music blaring in my car; I roll down the windows regardless of the temperature and sing along to all the hits !! I think this always makes me get a great parking spot at the mall. ( I know-- it doesn't --but you have to have traditions) I love just finding that perfect gift --when it calls out to you from across the store.

But this year ..... I just have NO CHRISTMAS SPIRIT !!!

I think its cause I know I don't have any a lot of spending money . Between gas for my car ( Gas prices as of today are $2.96 a gallon) and heat for the house( $3.39 a gallon) -- what is left? Plus, my sisters are driving me crazy with their lists for the kids and themselves,
"the kids don't need anything"

" I can take my own child shopping, thank you !"

" I did all my shopping last night; I just picked up anything I saw in the store and got a gift receipt...so if they don't like it ..whatever?!"

" I don't want to spend the holidays with my in-laws, but I guess I have to-- that is if I want my gifts !"

I am so sick of everyone ....all about themselves and how much did you spend on me-- one time I actually told my sister,S, if her inlaws were wonderful to her at Christams then I dont want to hear about them ALL year ! That actually made her be quiet about them giving her tons of gifts. To her its all about how much money you spend. But she doesnt let anyone know besides family that she buys all her gifts and just has her husband wrap the gifts. He has no idea if they all cost $100 or $600. He never looks at the bills that come in the mail. but its ok if she goes to the mall with no list and buys whatever she sees.

I just feel like that song...Smile, when your hearts not in it

last year I wasnt even talking to my oldest sister because we just came back from NYC and I showed up at a Christmas Party ( this is going to be hard to explain... my sisters married first cousins so both mother-in-laws are sister--so same family) without her knowing and I was answering questions instead of her about NYC and she was not happy . She wanted to make up her own stories about the trip and I was stepping on her parade. So when I picked up her camera to actually take a picture of her daughter ( which I do all the time) she grabbed my arm, yanked the camera out of my hand, scratch my hand with her nails which caused it to bleed because she thought I was going to show a picture from NYC's rockefellar tree and her. Mind you she is 40 years old. GROW UP !!!!! ok back to Christmas 2006

I have to drive my Mother around -- no one bother to ask anymore--its just a given. So for her to celebrate Christmas with the Grandkids-- I told her I would drive her. But I refused to talk to my sister even though we had dinner and opened gifts in her house. She acted like everything was ok--like nothing happened. I know she was going through alot with her husband and his seizures BUT hello she never apoligized...nor did she ever pay for the hotel room/ bills from NYC since I refused to call/email her since we were not talking. and to this day she never has brought that up.

I think sometimes I need to rethink my life and how I spend it on the holidays because I always end up hating the day instead of singing my Christmas music with the windows rolled down!!!